The problem…

“I’ve been unhappy for so long, that I think I’ve forgotten how to be happy. I have a serious lung condition that means I need to do physiotherapy on myself every day. I’ve been pretty much isolated for the past two years because of it too, as I’m told contracting Covid would be really serious for me.

“Because of all the medication I’m on, I’m fat, I’m unattractive, and I find it hard to mix and talk with people. I’ve tried dieting – in fact I’m always on a diet, but this makes me miserable too.

“I have a part-time job working from home, but the pay is rubbish – because I take so long in the mornings, I can’t get a full-time job so this one is all I can find. That means I can’t afford to do any of the things that might cheer me up. Although I’ve tried to find other jobs, once they find out how limited I am because of my condition, these never get further than the interview.

“I’m 25 now and can’t ever see anyone wanting to be with me, although I have had two boyfriends. The first ended when I was 20 and the second – who I was with for nearly two years – finished just before Christmas, when I found out that he had been seeing someone. I can’t blame him – it can’t be much fun hanging around with someone like me – even when he was able to! Other people manage to be happy, why can’t I?”

Fiona says…

“Your self-esteem has hit rock bottom and it’s clear you are very depressed. Like many people, the pandemic has taken a huge toll on your mental as well as your physical health, and as long as it continues to dominate our lives, it is going to be hard for people to feel upbeat.

“You can start to change your mindset though. You can stop seeing yourself as fat, unattractive and boring! Ok, your relationship with your boyfriend didn’t work out, but the fact you were together must mean he saw something in you – so others might too. Meeting potential partners whilst this the pandemic is going on might be difficult though, so perhaps for the moment you could concentrate on meeting people virtually?

“Social media has lots of groups for all kinds of purposes and places. You could find one that’s local to you – and you might feel safe enough to meet people outside for a coffee, perhaps. You might have one for people with the same lung condition as you – and you could arrange virtual meet-ups using one of the various phone apps. You might even find a support group that helps you to manage your diet, if you feel you need to do that.

“While you think of yourself negatively, that’s the image you’re likely to present to others – who will, inevitably, be affected by it. Worry less about your appearance and concentrate more on being friendly and generous with people, and I think things really could improve for you. When I say generous, I don’t mean with money though – I mean with your time, with your support, and your smile.

“Even small changes to the way you relate to people can have a positive impact on your life. Yes, I know it’s hard – changing the way you think and feel is never easy, but it can be done. Just take small steps, one at a time, and you will get there. When the weather improves you could perhaps go out for a short walk each day – just getting some sunshine could help your mood. You’ve already taken the first step by acknowledging your problems and writing to me – now take the next step.”

If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.